Hi friends, and happy 2024! I had a lovely burst of new subscribers in December. Hello, new pARTakers! As a reminder, this is a newsletter for inspiration on art, books, food, and middle-age badassery. I share Midweek Missives (like today’s letter), art updates (keep your eyes peeled on your inbox next week for an art sale), and Monthly Vibes every third Sunday of the month. Thanks for being here! Your support keeps me going, whether you are a free or paid subscriber. You can always unsubscribe, but I hope you don’t!
I have a couple of announcements at the end of this letter, and I have an ask: If you find this letter useful, please pull a quote from the letter and share it with your people, or simply hit restack. Thanks!
“The important thing is to not stop questioning.” Albert Einstein
Mom said, “If you don’t ask for what you want in life, you’ll never get it.” Ice tinkled against the glass of her whiskey sour, the only drink she indulged in after a day of immunizing people at the county clinic.
I picked at a dead moth stuck to the outside of the screen. “Why don’t we have air-conditioning?” Moth feathers dissolved to ash and floated down to the sill. A soft warm breeze lifted my curly bangs from my forehead.
“Because that costs money we don’t have,” she said, flipping the page of the evening Post-Gazette more forcefully than usual.
It wasn’t as if I didn’t know why we couldn’t afford a/c, and Mom wasn’t advising me to ask about what she couldn’t provide. She wanted me to ask big questions like What will make me happy? What can I make of myself and better the world in the process?
In the early 70s, I had many more questions for my mother, mostly about my father. When I was seven, my father fell asleep in his black and white recliner and didn’t wake up (as I saw it then) while I sat on our nubby cloth-covered couch, squirming to contain my bladder, afraid if I stood, I’d pee my pants.
As a teen standing in the kitchen, I wanted to ask Mom why she didn’t marry another man after Dad died, but I deflected my frustration. It was easier to ask about the lack of a/c.
During summer break in college, I found the maturity and courage to ask her while she dressed to go to “help the old people” at the church.
“Why didn’t you date after Dad died? You’re smart and beautiful!”
“Who wants to date a woman with twelve kids?” she said applying pink lipstick to her thin lips.
Her tone wasn’t hurtful or pitying but more matter-of-fact, which aligned with her personality.
As it turned out, her answer was not what I expected or wanted to hear. I’d hope for a conversation about solving my inexperience with men and dating. At the time, the men I dated had more to do with what they saw in me, not what I saw in them. It would be many more years before I recovered my self-esteem, respected myself, and acted accordingly regarding dating and men. But mine was a long, bumpy road.
Questions are important. They're the basis for our curiosity about pretty much everything in life.
There are the big, deep asks: Who am I? What’s my purpose? What’s the meaning of life? What happens to humans after they die? Why does it matter? If there is a God, why is there so much suffering in the world? Do you love me?
There are the asks that lead to introspection: What is your biggest priority in life and why? What do you think about this new shiny thing? How can you help? What did you learn from ABC or XYZ? What motivates you? How can you find hope in an unjust world?
Questions are born out of curiosity and fun: How can you improve this? Are there humans in the universe who don’t live on Earth? What was your favorite childhood game? If you could go anywhere in the Universe, where would you go?
There are questions related to personal growth: How can you become the best version of yourself? Can you get that raise (the one promised at the signing)? What are you afraid of? How can you get through a difficult day, week, month, year and remain hopeful?
There are practical questions like how do I get from A to B? And what time does the concert start tonight? And there are diversion questions like me asking Mom about the utilities instead of her love life. The latter types of questions spring from fear. Fear of the answer.
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If Mom were still alive, I’d ask her how she managed to stay happy, joyful, and faithful to God while raising twelve children and assisting with numerous grandchildren (without a partner) until she died at seventy-four. This I would like to know.
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Note: asking a question doesn’t equate to getting an answer or that the answer will be the one you want. Some questions may take a lifetime to answer, and some will require numerous no’s before that one yes. It's worth repeating: some answers may not be what you’d hoped for. Asking can be awkward. Asking can make us feel vulnerable. But the interesting thing about asking is this: the more you ask, the easier it gets and the better, hence, richer your life becomes.
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At the beginning of 2023, I envisioned creating a ten-piece art series. My guiding word was Bold. I had personal questions like why am I doing this? And what am I going to do with the art once I finish? Who am I to think I can do this thing I‘ve never done before? I didn’t have the answers and realized I didn’t need them because if I gave the questions too much power and control, I wouldn’t get anything done.
Initially, I did not want to get bogged down in the nuances of choosing additional colors and complicating things, plus a limited pallette is a terrific constraint. I chose red as my anchor color, and knew I would use black for contrast and outlines. As I progressed to each Girl on Fire, I began adding more colors. Here’s a collage of the first five GoF’s.
The thing is the initial Girl on Fire (bottom left in the above image) was accepted to a gallery exhibition, RED. I didn’t win an award, nor did she sell, but when I picked up my art, I asked for help.
The backstory is I had been framing my art at the big box store Michaels, but as most know, custom-framing art is expensive. I needed to compare pricing and wanted to support a local business, and I needed a reliable, trustworthy resource. The kind folks at ARTSWIN directed me to Inman’s Picture Framing + Art Gallery in Evansville, IN. Their framing and art gallery business expertise has been indispensable for the past year. Bonus: several pieces of my art are now available for sale at Inman’s Art Gallery.
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These days, hearing “no” stings, but now it feels like a pinprick. Before, rejection and not getting the answer I wanted felt like a sledgehammer. I’m still asking all the questions and yes, sometimes fear sends me sideways, but I plow through and keep seeking. On a side note, the wellness industry would have us believe that we only have to set goals, create rituals, and develop a formula. If only life were that simple. Asking isn’t always easy; some questions are harder and more complicated than others.
When we are afraid to ask the hard questions, when we feel as if we have no control or feel “out of control,” we need to dig in. Ask, even though opening our mouths and voicing our deepest desires pulls us out of our comfort zone. Sometimes, stepping out of our lounge clothes is one of the hardest things to do, especially if our wardrobes are fluffy, comfy, and soft. But asking leads to growth. Not asking leads to stagnation, doubt, and insecurity. No matter how difficult or how uncomfortable, ask for what you want. If you don’t get the answer you’re looking for, or you get rejected, please keep going. Persistence pays well in the longrun. Remember to give yourself grace while you seek your answers. You deserve everything you ask for.
Thanks to Mom, time, and the wisdom to keep going and remain curious, asking for what I want feels like second nature.
What have you asked for lately? Did you get what you wanted?
At the end of December, I was interviewed on CanvasRebel an online magazine for creatives.
Coming Soon: Wild African Adventures in Art exhibition, April 12 - May 16, 2024, Glema Mahr Center for the Arts, Madisonville, KY.
Stay curious. Stay safe. Make an impact.
Maureen! So glad we found each other. I live my life trying to get answers to why questions. My dad was a scientist and of all things, causing me to wonder why is among his best gifts to me.
"At the time, the men I dated had more to do with what they saw in me, not what I saw in them." - loved this part. This resonated with me as well. Thank you for sharing.